Lowbar: 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003

Guess What This Is

Check back on Wednesday for the exciting answer to this puzzler!

A Gay & Two Fakers

Howie and two chicks in faux fireman garb, chasing plushie.org enthusiasts across San Francisco. What's your Plush Code (2.0!), mothafucka? Tasty.

Bay to Breakers

Howie does Bay to Breakers.

Things you might describe as "fucking interesting, man"

Has Lowbar gone GMT? It would appear so, to those of us who do the posting and the publishing. Fuck Greenwich or however the fuck you spell it. But...

Times have been removed off lowbar posts and replaced with some gay ass date format. Must have been Howie. Speaking of...

Click on one of the post dates. It takes you to the same posts, starting a few days earlier, with a different date format and top of screen logo. Did you say...

Top of screen logo? I like the new one. Would have been good on a flier for Low, the bar, which was why we got this site in the first place.

Experiments With The God Number

I tried the God number (see below) in every area code I've lived in. This is what someone who is laid up post-surgery can do, after he has exhausted the FHM top 100 internet games. Below is a list of my findings, some of which I found quite surprising. I'm sure there's lawsuit potential in this so I'll leave out specifics.

202 (Washington, DC) - invalid number.
252 (Morehead City, NC) - invalid number
301 (Ellicott City, MD) - A full-service LOCKSMITH.
410 (Annapolis, MD) - invalid number
619 (San Diego, CA) - invalid number
703 (Arlington, VA) - invalid number
858 (San Diego, CA) - invalid number
808 (Honolulu, HI) - invalid number
919 (Durham, NC) - A genuine southern CHURCH.

Pretty interesting. I encourage you all to try your favorite area codes. Best performed in the middle of the night.

Microsoft is the Antichrist

I have a laptop with Microsoft's XP operating system on it. I visited a shady website once and accidentally installed some annoying software that replaced a bunch of registry keys for my web browser, MS Internet Explorer. The malicious registry entries would always replace my homepage and "page not found" pages with their stupid search page, leading mostly to their affiliate porn sites. I tried deleting the offending registry entries but that didn't work. So I got fed up and decided to delete my installation of IE and replace it with a downloaded version from Microsoft.com.

Deleting IE is not easy. In the add/remove section fo the control panel it doesn't show up under the regular icon. You have to go to the "Add/remove Windows Components" and the interface is counterintuitive. Instead of putting a check in the boxes next to the program you want to remove you have to uncheck it. Getting this right is harder than it sounds since IE sits next to some important operating system applications and the boxes are randomly checked or unchecked when you open the panel. I almost deleted the search index before I realized my "error".

So I deleted it and then tried to run the installer that I had downloaded. No dice. The installer detected that IE was still installed on my computer and wouldn't let me continue with the installation. I revisited the registry and deleted everything that said Internet Explorer and restarted. Still no luck. I tried deleting the folder, "Internet Explorer" in my programs folder. That wouldn't work because my computer said the application was still in use. I tried deleting the contents of the folder file by file. I got rid of most but then I noticed they were magically coming back. I had had enough. I was, for the first time, sympathizing with those that brought a lawsuit against Microsoft for embedding their web browser into the operating system and I was feeling a little like a tourist from Arkansas lost in the maze of a casino, unable to find the exit.

The solution: Mozilla.org. Four minutes of downloads and installation and I'm able to see the web again. Some slight problems viewing the same things I used to view (for example I no longer see the handy bold, italic and hyperlink buttons on Blogger) but hey, I don't have the same irritating home page I used to have and I've taken the first step in breaking free from the clutches of the Dark Lord of computing. I have the exit door in sight. The slot machines are a mere buzz in my ear. My next stop, the Linux Zone.

867-53 0h God!

The non-news of the day appears to be Jim Carey's new movie Bruce Almighty and its reference to an actual phone number from God. The phone number is a real number in many places and real people are getting phone calls from people wishing to talk to God. Most are annoyed a few are taking in it in stride. What I can't understand is why they aren't taking advantage and charging the people that call to hear a recorded message from God. Anyway, I haven't seen the movie and probably won't but I wondered what the actual number was. I looked at all the news stories about it and none of the press will publish it. What a bunch of pansies! So I turned to Usenet news. I couldn't find the answer there either, just a bunch of idiots with snappy replies to the question, "What is God's phone number?"

1-BOR-ING-MOVI and

1-666-JRY-FLWL both from alt.showbiz.gossip

After about 20 minutes of search (an eternity in Internet time) I finally I found the number (I think) from alt.jokes. Here it is, bring on the lawsuits!

776-2323

Lowbar, The Song

You couldn’t raise that lowbar with a crowbar

it keeps comin’ down

you couldn’t raise that lowbar with a crowbar

we keep dragin’ it down.

LowBar.

Give it up for Mr. James Velvet.

Finally A Good Search Engine

Bookmark this page! Finally a search engine that puts Lowbar.com at the top of the ranking for a search for "lowbar" (where it should be) and not Onlineracing.cc.

Entrances to Hell
The random link generator gave me this. Anyone got an explaination?

Fun With Google

Jokes I just made up

Q: What do you call a man who looks like a vase?

A: Ernie (Urn-y).

Q: Why is the toast served at bed-and-breakfasts all deformed?

A: Because it's inn bread.

Q: What do you call a bunch of Linux geeks with fever blisters?

A: Open-sores programmers

Q: What did the mountain lion say to the clock?

A: Raaaaaaaaawr.

Q: Where do pirates like to go shopping?

A: Macy's (to be read out loud with a pirate accent)

Q: Why does Vincent Van Gogh like to g... (Note: I was killed before finishing this joke)

Free medical advice for people without insurance

Symptoms	Diagnosis
People are very frightened of you, and you are composed of anti-matter.	You are a phantom.
A chilled pool of tart, delicious liquid appears wherever/whenever you sit down.	Your ass is made of lemon sorbet.
Everything around you is dirty, and you are in a box	You have been buried alive.
People keep complaining about you.	You are federal income tax.
Everyone around you can't stop talking about prawns and/or shrimp.	Your social circle consists of the shrimping community.
Every time you point at someone, they spin around and fly off into the air.	You are able to summon/apply tornadoes at will, through your fingertips.
You are accompanied by garlic bread and a side salad.	You are a spaghetti dinner.
You've had nothing to eat but corn for the past 5 weeks.	You've had nothing to eat but corn for the past 5 weeks.
Your official flower is the black-eyed susan.	You are the state of Maryland.
The lower half of your leg looks streamlined, and there's shit all over your socks.	You are wearing your socks over your shoes again, you fucking dunce.
You look like tennis legend Ivan Lendl and people roll a mouse all over you all day.	You are an Ivan Lendl mousepad.
You look very sharp in a suit.	You are United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan.

Waaaay Back
Go Way back to Lowbar circa 2001. The Heinous Discovery is especially enlightening....

Lowbar

Saturday, May 31, 2003

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

776-2323

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Monday, May 26, 2003

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Friday, May 09, 2003

Monday, May 05, 2003

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