A joke, yes. We will laugh in the car.
Funny, I was just wondering the same thing, about you I mean. It's interesting how the patriarchs of Lowbar go through phases of posting.
I had an epiphany last night. I was checking out the titles in a bookstore when it dawned on me that Lowbar would be a great subject for a book. Four people in different locales posting inane dribble soley for one another's amusement. Couple that with IM conversations and drunken phone messages and you got yourself a bestseller! I wish I had saved those Hurracane Isabel phone calls. I'll start writing it as soon as I get back from a job interview, my 14th this month.
Looks like you boys in DC are going to get pummeled this week by Isabel. Hey what a great time to fly to Boston and have a rain-soaked wedding on the beach! Check the track, goes right to Annapolis.
1. That this economy doth suck. Oh sure maybe (no proof yet) corporate spending is on the rise but jobs are scarce. I'm begining to think we've become just an information society and that there is no real work to be done anymore. I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore! In fact the only thing that keeps me going is laughing about Capt. Anus.
2. President Bush is out of control. Not only did we not find any WMD's, we didn't find any terrorists either, unless you call people defending their sovereign country terrorists. Maybe we should rename the minutemen, who so bravely fought during the US Revolutionary War, terrorists. The deficit is mushrooming. Send the troops home, pretty please. We need thier $15k/year consumer spending to give our economy a shot in the arm.
3. The weather outside is nice. As I look out my window I see a beautiful day. I can see all the way to Oaktown.
4. Schwarzenneger should stay off TV. Every time I hear his thick accent I cringe. It sounds good when he's toting a shotgun and asking for Sara Conner but not when talking about the "Sacramento Fatcats". I was once thinking about voting for him. I thought it would be fun to have Arnold to kick around for a couple years but I just can't take it. He walks funny too, sort of a waddle.
5. I may never be a millionaire. I'm mid-30's, jobless and in debt. I may never "make it". In fact my future looks rather dim. I'm no longer willing to "take one for any team" and I'm not skilled enough to be your boss. There's nothing left but to start a dot com and run it into the ground. Yay me!
6. I think Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was good. Emphasis on the WAS. Oh sure they are funny, occassionaly, but I think they've exhausted the straight guy thing. Straight men just are not good television. Manscaping, gel product in hair, manicures, eyebrow tweesing, fake meals that they don't know how to prepare. Hey what else you got? Nada!
7. Monk, however is good TV. If you haven't seen it, it's good stuff. Reminds me of Columbo.
8. Nanotechnology will never happen. It's all a hoax. Don't believe it. The Internet is as far advanced as we're going to get.
9. I'm getting married. Sept 21st in Beantown. Sorry just a family gathering. But we'll have a soiree in SF in Oct. Y'all come, ya hear?
10. September 11th still isn't funny. You'd think after two years we could joke about it... nope, still not funny.
Freshmilk and I have been enjoying the postings of Annexation on Epinions. I laughed heartily all morning long as a matter of fact at his tirades about ExLax, diarrhea, and the Epinions Idol segment. I too decided to create an Epinions name and post a story. Afterall, only about ten people read Lowbar and thousands read Epinions. So I wrote a review of a ski area I once used to work at and took the opportunity to slander my previous boss. I hit the submit button and... nothing. It didn't take. I tried again. Nothing. So I say screw you Epinions! I don't need your e-forum to e-anything. You e-got it?! So here's my spiel about Deer Valley. Try to act enthused.
When I was in my early twenties I was lured into a job at Deer Valley "bumping chairs". This is the hip, snow junkie
way of saying you're a chairlift operator. I would wake up in my home in downtown Salt Lake City at 5am and make
the hour long ride up to Deer Valley to make it to my $8 dollar-an-hour job. One day my car did a 360 on the highway
and almost got hit on either side by simultaneously passing semis (just like in the movie Planes, Trains and
Automobiles). Anyway, I was almost always late and a definate slacker. My boss was an Austrian, let's call him Hans.
He loved discipline and I think I became his defacto beeotch for he would seperate me from the rest of the chair
bumpers, put me on the back of his snowmobile and drive me to the other side of the mountain where he would yell
at me for about twenty minutes. I thought this was quite amusing. I couldn't understand him half of the time anyway
and I typically just ignored him.
Part of the job consisted of tidying up after a snowstorm. They would make us crawl up on the rigging of the chairlift
and tell us to sweep snow off of the turnstiles that sit fifteen feet off the ground. This is harrowing work. The
experienced chairlift operators would walk on top of the lift while us newbies would straddle the snow covered pipes
and be extremely careful lest we fall. A friend of mine did fall. She got a broken leg and couldn't work the rest of the
season.
Most of the time I would just sit at the top of the mountain in a hut with a space heater. This is the most boring place
in the world. There isn't anything to do but freeze and stare at the inexperienced skiers tumbling off the lift, so I
decided to read the newspaper, but I wasn't really reading it, I would glance down at a classified ad between chairs.
This is a no-no in chair lift operation. You are supposed to keep your eyes always on the lift. The danger is that the lift
could go into reverse and hundereds of people could be killed. This hasn't happened in 150 years but it's still the
danger. Most skiers don't know how bad this would be. If a lift goes in reverse, you're better off jumping. Anyway,
Hans happened to be skiing by at this moment and spotted my biblio-pecadillo. He entered the chair lift hut, fuming
mad, and ordered me to go home. It was the fair thing to do, his asking me to leave, I thought, and so I went home
without thinking twice about it. The next day he called me up and asked me to come back to work. I declined. Not
because I was mad because he ordered me out of the hut, I wasn't, lives were at stake, afterall. No, the reason I didn't
go back was he wouldn't let me ski under the lifts.
Deer Valley is a meticulously groomed resort. They take great pains to groom all the fun out of the place. If you like to
ski straight all day and not make a turns, this is the place for you. I however enjoyed skiing under the lift in freshly
laid powder. This was one of the greatest sensations I've had in my life but somehow it was a paradise lost, for no
sooner had I discovered the joy and rapture of being the first skier of the day to lay down tracks than I was taken
around the mountainside by Hans on the dreaded snowmobile of discipline and yelled at for not adhering to the rule
of only skiing on groomed areas (I must have been absent that day recovering from being straddled by semis).
Oh yeah, I once saw Pam Dauber there (from Mork and Mindy fame).
Like to ski straight and not turn? = perfect.
Like to read while hundreds perish at your uncaring hand? = not so good.
Like to dress up in Nazi regalia and terrorize slopes with your peoplessnowwagonnen? = Perfect!
Like 20 million Hiroshimas
