Follow Up: Incest AlgebraAesRokbott (9:39:55 PM): i'm trying to figure it out using algebra
AesRokbott (9:40:01 PM): newbride = cousin + aunt
AesRokbott (9:40:19 PM): cousin = daughter of uncle/aunt
AesRokbott (9:40:22 PM): aunt = sister of father or mother
AesRokbott (9:40:35 PM): so
AesRokbott (9:40:59 PM): (cousin + aunt) = (daughter of uncle/aunt) + (sister of father or mother)
AesRokbott (9:41:25 PM): subtract an aunt from both sides
AesRokbott (9:41:39 PM): cousin = daughter of uncle + sister of father or mother
AesRokbott (9:42:46 PM): guy's own aunt is cousin
AesRokbott (9:43:04 PM): guy's own cousin is aunt
AesRokbott (9:44:08 PM): wait
AesRokbott (9:44:20 PM): if guy's father's brother married 15-y-o girl
AesRokbott (9:44:39 PM): and that girl was also his mother's sister
AesRokbott (9:45:18 PM): that makes her auntt-cousinn
AesRokbott (9:45:26 PM): no
AesRokbott (9:45:37 PM): that makes her double-auntt
AesRokbott (9:53:21 PM): i think i got it
AesRokbott (9:53:27 PM): his mom's brother had her as a kid, and then his dad's brother married her
AesRokbott (9:54:02 PM): or vice verss
AesRokbott (10:35:25 PM): cAPEyright infringement case #932405930: people now referring to larry david HBO show as "curb"
Weird Shit in Utah
HH: query me this...
HH: how is this possible:
HH: A member of Utah's polygamous Kingston clan was sentenced Monday to a year behind bars for taking as his wife a 15-year-old cousin, who was also his aunt.
HH: that's messed up
BK: hmm
BK: it goes like this
BK: his mother's brother fathered the newbride
BK: and the newbride's older brother also married one of the guy's sisters
BK: sorry
BK: mom's sisters
HH: ok. that's weird enough right there
HH: but wouldn't she have to be a sibling of his mother?
HH: to be his aunt
BK: no she can marry into that
BK: yeah what i said is incorrect though
HH: is it possible to be a blood aunt and a blood cousin?
HH: and be 15 years old
BK: in a polygamous world, of course
BK: not without incest though
HH: so that would make his kids = cousins
HH: he was convicted today of incest
BK: ah
HH: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2004/01/26/national1254EST0614.DTL
BK: ok
BK: if
BK: she is his mom's way younger sister
BK: who was fathered by his mom's brother
BK: basically
BK: the guy would have to fuck his own mom
HH: ew
HH: some weird shit goes down in Utah
BK: you're tellin me
Oakland Post Office Follies!
Some of the characters I met during my 45-minute wait in line this morning at the Oakland Post Office.
- Dramatic Sigh Lady: Sighs loudly every 30 seconds to make sure everyone knows how annoyed she is by waiting in line. Alternates sighing with tsk sound. One time, she pulled off an impressive clear-throat-then-shape-shift-into-growl combo sound.
- King of the Line: While waiting in line, calmly read the paper down his nose and through his glasses. If these were the days of yore, he would be wearing a monocle. He'd peer over his glasses at Dramatic Sigh Lady every third time she did her noise-making. I was hoping he'd start sighing at Dramatic Sigh Lady's sighing, but it didn't happen.
- Dr. Chestt-X: Cameo appearance. Strutted out of the mailroom and exuded confidence. When walking, his chest preceded his head by about 5 yards. Can probably cold smash stuff.
- Hair-Products Lenny: Gratuitous use of hair cremes. His haircut was short enough to maintain without use of product(s). Sun deflected off head and it was SheenTime(TM).
- El Desfortunado: After 45 minutes of waiting, this poor fella could not get his package when he got to the mail window, as he did not bring his I.D. card. I would have probably gotten pretty mad. El D maintained his cool. Tonight, I raise a glass to you, El Desfortunado... I raise a glass to you.
Haentt
An excerpt from the upcoming novella "The Three Mirrors of Justice" by Claude Milieu.
Here it is, 4 years later! I am taking a crap. Hey, what's this under the toilet??!?!?(!?) It is a paper sack full of money. Now I will count it! There's lots.
I am at the same dark bar. How fun! Now it is 4 years later though. I am telling the barkeep that I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna up and quit my job and start the American Dream. He is supportive.
Now I have just told Sterling Matthews I have quit the job! Oh dear, what a pickle. I'm in a pickle here. But he is also supportive, because he is my brah. Then I totally jam out of the izzoffice! It is on like "Discs of Tron."
Out of the job, I am living the High Life! Like Miller, which is also the Champagne of Beers(TM). I am bragging to people in the bar that I am going to build a time machine. Fuck, now that's a bold claim!!!!
An interview with Claude Milieu
BookInspector: The idea of time in your works is astonishing.
Milieu: Thank you.
BookInspector: There's a palpable sense of both the sublime and the macabre.
Milieu: You fuckin' wish!!!!
BookInspector: The time machine...
Milieu:
BookInspector: ...
Milieu:
BookInspector: ...
Milieu:
BookInspector: ...
Milieu: The time machine represents the hope of our children.
BookInspector: Heyooooooooooo!
Milieu: Not our children!
BookInspector: Heyooooooooooo!
Milieu: I meant all of our children! Not just yours and mine, Mr. BookInspector! Oh well!
BookInspector: Let's devise a secret handshake.
Milieu: (nods)
BookInspector and Milieu devise a secret handshake for several minutes.
Mensa test
GAME: ITEM MATCH
| a. shoe | | | | 1. pirate |
| b. cat | | | | 2. foot |
| c. boat | | | | 3. orange juice |
| d. florida | | | | 4. fur |
Note: Answers Wednesday.
GAME: MIXER-UPPER
dgo
GAME: COLO(U)R BY NUMBERZZ
| 56 | 7 | 4 | | 12 | |
| |
| | 4 | | 77777 | 2 | | | 5.23 |
| | | | 143 |
GAME: SHOUT HOORAY
1. Your team is #1. You shout: _____________
2. Money is awarded to your bank account. You shout: _____________
3. Your mother is elected president. You shout: _______________
4. Your gift is a DVD of "Top Gun." You shout: ______________
5. Ellen decides you will all go for ice cream. You shout: _____________
Answers: 1. Hooray. 2. Hooray. 3. Hooray. 4. Hooray. 5. Hooray.
GAME: WHAT AM I?
I am used to shoot whales.
I am used by harpooners.
I am used to spear whales.
I rhyme with "cartoon."
Answer: I am a fucking harpoon.
InfringementJohn Morse II put me in the mood for copyright infringement, and excess of alcohol put me in the mood for song. The two forces combined, and the other night while I was bombed my friend recorded me doing this drunken acoustic cover of Outkast's "Hey Ya."
It was 95% joke (I mean, the overdone vocals are fairly obvious) and 5% effort, but initial feedback has actually been positive. Maybe I should try doing it for real?
Take a
listen and
let me know what you think.
Goldenape's "Fursuit Diaries" one-track demo, in stores March 15.
Wallpaper
From the quote database on Bash.org...
#99043 +(402)- [X]
i had this weird dream
someome broke into the house
and changed the wallpaper on the computer and left.
