Let My Fingers Do The Squawkin'
Bullshit? I'll tell you about the Bullshit. I finally broke out of the joint this week, man those meals suck. I don't know why criminals miss the pen when the get out, I like to at least wash my hoodinanny after getting slammed in the oopsidaisy. Man I really should get more attorneys. Here's one for ya, how come you never get kissed right before you get fucked?
Speaking of which, I heard a really funny 'new' word in ebonics today. A basketball player getting "tick," or time on the court. In the old days, we used to call that "PT." Funny thing is, this came from a white female announcer of a lame college women's game. I think it was the one where Duke Blueball Devilettes got beat.
I miss the old days, but not the REAL old days. I miss the days in SD when we actually did help Hardcore make is Lowbar dream take shape. And yes, it IS a cool name so it will live on. Now that I am free, I will go buy a kickin printer and start cranking T-shirts, sticks, condoms, who knows!
I am watching a show about lesbians and it kind of makes me want to be one. I have seen more box being chowed in the last 10 minutes than I have experienced in the last 2 years!
As soon as all the ideas I came up with two years ago start pimpin me some bling, I am gonna make Lowbar my life. I will be one with Lowbar, grasshopper. Then I will shed all semblance of responsibility and report my rediculous happenings to you from around the globe.
I apologize for sounding so weird but it has been awhile since I used modern technologies and I am sober.
No worries! I have taken in a new fascination with paraterminally intoxicated behavioral reorder. I think it might work but I have to a) keep my hand steady enough to write everything down, and 2) figure out what it really means, and iii) decide how to evade 'parole.'
Holy Shit, That Guy was THE PRESIDENT?The installments of
Get Your War On which have come out in 2004 are fucking brilliant. Three pages of goodness.
Page 32 - All Sorts of Good StuffPage 31 - State Of the Union / SteroidsPage 30 - Fuck NASA
Mothertruckers Have Friends Too...thanks to exciting new attachment (click for more info):
Lowbar - A State of the Website Address
The other day I was listening to a friend speak and he said something to the effect of "Well we've really reached for the low bar." This caused me to remember something... something about a website that I helped get started about four years ago. What a great name that is. It indicates that we're reaching for the low bar and taking great pride from that fact that we're underachievers. Of course the real meaning behind the name has nothing to do with this. It was an idea about a bar where you would step down to enter and the bar's name would be "Low". The low bar thing to do was not to open a bar but to start a website and invite ye creative types to contribute content. At first the content was bizarre and then it turned into hilarious fake news. Then we discovered blogging and it became a series of posts, sometimes amusing, sometimes poignant, sometimes cryptic. Blogging, sadly, has jumped the shark. I think it was over for me when I heard Joe Trippi, Howard Dean's Campaign Manager, asked hurriedly to a campaign staffer, "alright, where am I blogging to now?" I suppose the moment a noun becomes a verb it is no longer cool and that goes doubly true when it is used by a pol. That means that the noun has been used so much to have been adopted by the masses and if a pol uses it, they think it's cool and they are not cool and that pretty much seals it.
So where does that leave Lowbar? The frequency of postings has dwindled. The inflammatory jargon has been quashed, but Lowbar.com remains for me a stake in the tent that constitutes my life. I do not have visions of grandeur for the site but I believe that it needs to exist. Something in the grand quilt of life states that Lowbar.com must remain part of the patchwork.
Here's an idea... As I was ironing a shirt this morning I turned on NPR, as is my morning habit. I was hoping to be briefly entertained by some news item. Instead what I encountered was bad news story after bad news story. It was depressing. I got to work, opened my web browser and I got mostly bad news but some good too. I had to go down a ways to find the good news (it was buried underneath all the bad). The idea is to have a website that just has good news. It's a bit "head-in-the-sand" but if people want bad news they can find that easily enough.
Either way, either by Blogging, writing fake news, or whatever, Lowbar will continue.
And here's some good news to get us started. Last night I invented the "Trucker's Friend" TM.
First some background... Rewind fours years ago. I'm driving across country with my step father and we're trying to get to San Diego from Washington DC as fast as we can. Part of our strategy is to sleep in the back of the van while the other person drives. Another part of the strategy is to urinate in bottles rather than stop. Urinating in bottles is difficult to do while driving and mishaps invariably ensued. But this did prove to be a very useful way to cut down on the driving time (this only works for male drivers by the way). Then last night as I prepared to go to my weekly band practice I prepared a tool for helping me accomplish the same thing as what I needed for the road trip. When we have band practice we practice in a basement. I usually drink beer and I usually have to pee like a racehorse. Problem is, if I have to go then I have to get the keys to the upstairs apartment and climb a bunch of steps, it's a hassle. So as I was throwing out some of my wife's hospital stay accoutrements I came upon the perfect solution. By combining some simple household items I came across the perfect bladder relieving solution. It worked like a charm at practice. I excused myself and went out in the backyard and rather than urinating on the bushes I filled my "Trucker's Friend". Hence a new product is born that will be an answer to motorists, and bladder infectees the world over. Capt. I'll be looking to you for info on how to patent this baby.
Pornography?
My wife gave birth to a 9.6 lbs. boy last week (yay!). I immediately posted up photos like
this one on the web for the family to see. I got to thinking last night that what I had done might land me in jail and get me labled a child pornographer. They are after all naked photos of a child. At what age does a child's nudity become indecent? These are the questions that bounce around a sleep-deprived mind.
Oh and BK's right, San Francisco is a freak show.
Mr. ReynoldsAbout a week ago, I came in second in a major karaoke competition, with heart-stopping rendition of Lionel Richie's "Hello."
I felt a little weird about singing that song until I caught wind of
these motherfuckers. Rock on, gentlemen.
