This is getting fucking ridiculous, man
I came across this little gem today:
File trading may fund terrorism
Hold on a second before reading the story. First, see if you can fill in the blanks in the following quote from the story:
Representative John Carter, a _____1______ from _____2______, suggested that college students would stop downloading if some were prosecuted and received sentences of 33 months or longer, like the defendants in the DOJ's Operation Buccaneer. "I think it'd be a good idea to go out and actually bust a couple of these college kids," Carter said. "If you want to see college kids duck and run, you let them read the papers and somebody's got a 33-month sentence in the federal penitentiary for downloading copyrighted materials."
#1 is a political party. See if you can guess which one.
#2 is the name of a state. See if you can guess which one.
If you guessed "Republican" and "Texas," hooray for you.
It's good to see Mr. Carter's got his priorities straight in these troubled times.
Getting back to the story at hand, let me get this straight:
- Downloading MP3s helps fund terrorism.
- Buying drugs of any kind helps fund terrorism.
Apparently, U.S. college students are our own worst enemy. Also, who knew that everyone smoking joints in Humboldt County actually has their personal bag of marijuana shipped in and sold to them by Al Qaeda operatives? Color me surprised.
I'm assuming that all this "drugs help fund terrorists" and "file-sharing helps terrorists" brouhaha is due to the fact that there's a relatively large amount of Congressmen these days with college-age children. These Congresspeople don't want Junior spending all of Mommy and Daddy's cash on weed and blank CD-R discs. Scare tactics ensue.
In the coming weeks, I fully expect to see news blasts regarding the following:
- Masturbating helps fund terrorism
- Poor study skills help fund terrorism
- Attending Phi Sigma Alpha's "Beach Blast" two nights before your Political Science midterm helps fund terrorism
- Using dad's credit card in a non-emergency situation helps fund terrorism, and $1 pitchers of Nat Light at The Field House does not qualify as an emergency, Clint.
- Sending large checks directly to Al Qaeda helps fund terrorism
Come on, U.S. Government. It's like you're not even trying anymore. Who are we kidding here?
