A joke, yes. We will laugh in the car.
| Symptoms | Diagnosis |
| People are very frightened of you, and you are composed of anti-matter. | You are a phantom. |
| A chilled pool of tart, delicious liquid appears wherever/whenever you sit down. | Your ass is made of lemon sorbet. |
| Everything around you is dirty, and you are in a box | You have been buried alive. |
| People keep complaining about you. | You are federal income tax. |
| Everyone around you can't stop talking about prawns and/or shrimp. | Your social circle consists of the shrimping community. |
| Every time you point at someone, they spin around and fly off into the air. | You are able to summon/apply tornadoes at will, through your fingertips. |
| You are accompanied by garlic bread and a side salad. | You are a spaghetti dinner. |
| You've had nothing to eat but corn for the past 5 weeks. | You've had nothing to eat but corn for the past 5 weeks. |
| Your official flower is the black-eyed susan. | You are the state of Maryland. |
| The lower half of your leg looks streamlined, and there's shit all over your socks. | You are wearing your socks over your shoes again, you fucking dunce. |
| You look like tennis legend Ivan Lendl and people roll a mouse all over you all day. | You are an Ivan Lendl mousepad. |
| You look very sharp in a suit. | You are United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan. |
